Why Don't We Just Fall in Love?

     Maybe right now, my journey is about being alone. Maybe this is the season I’m being challenged to learn how to wake up in the middle of the bed, to finally find hope in the vacancy, hope in the quiet, hope in the way I stretch into my life and give myself permission to take up space within it. 

     If you were to ask me to choose one adjective to sum up this Valentine’s Day, I would use the term "normal." Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love, but for some of us, the thought of opening ourselves up to love can be daunting. Perhaps you’ve been hurt in the past, or maybe you struggle with feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. Whatever the reason, it can be difficult to let go of our fears and embrace love fully. But what if we were to approach love not with fear, but with bravery?

     I want to fall in love, but I’m still young. I’m still afraid. Because I am aware that it can be difficult to hold onto true connection when the world occasionally seems harsh and foreboding and when people probe deep into your soul in an effort to warm themselves by the flame of your hope. Because this is what they don’t tell you, being a human is both beautiful and burdensome. It is a confusing and messy thing. Life will amaze you in the most stunning ways, and it will also break your heart. At the end of the day, they may not have loved you, but they did teach you how to survive the wreckage, how to endure the storm, and how to rebuild. Even if they didn't love you, you still put your heart in danger. You continued to make an effort. Your faith persisted. And that is what makes you lucky, because that is what has made you strong.

     And that’s how my Valentine’s went. Full of love thoughts. It's okay that I wasn't given a gift or surprise, like flowers or something. But actually, someone made a song about me. It’s a nice song and I really love the last part of it, because he said in that part is “Life is suffocating indeed, yet with you, I am free and safe” he said that the meaning of this line is when I am around, he feels safe and free. And I’m glad that he feels safe of my existence. 

     Yes, I am full of hope for love but I am not looking for it right now. I am contented with what I have and what I had. Love will come, love can wait, he can wait but that is not my priority right now. I have a lot of things I want to do by myself, I want to fall in love with myself first. I want to focus on the things that compel me, the things that stir something deep inside of myself. Focus on the people who inspire me, the ones who support me and encourage me to grow into a person I have always wanted to be.

     See, maybe right now our journey isn’t about love. Maybe right now our journey is about us, ourselves. Maybe this is the season we are being challenged to be our own savior, and to be our won safe place. Love can wait, always remember that. You don’t need to rush things. Take your time, and enjoy your life. I am not going to wait for someone to make me whole. Instead, I am going to take all of the love I have been giving everyone else, and I am going to give it to myself.

And for that...

Maybe right now, my journey isn't about love.