Stepping Outside Of My Comfort Zone

 December 31, 2022. 11:59 PM. Aha! 2022 has come to an end, let's go? 

    

      It makes me think, what does 2023 have in store for us? Will we be happy? or will we be disappointed...again? Will we encounter terrible situations, or will everything go exactly as planned? I know there are a lot of unanswered questions in my thoughts, yet I still can't seem to stop wondering about them. What new chances will open up for us, and what new journeys will we take? Will I be able to set specific goals, break negative behaviors, and adopt new ones that will pave the way for a better future? Well, I don't know. Maybe yes...or maybe no? 

     Years went by, and I stopped caring about resolutions. Mostly because I am a complete failure at achieving them and it is exhausting to get caught in the cycle of setting myself impossible goals and then feeling disappointed when I don't achieve them. I really didn't feel like celebrating the start of a new year because, deep down, I knew that it would turn out the same as every previous year of our lives. We would all begin the year with such hope and optimism, anticipating that this time, life would be kind to us; yet, by the middle of the year, we would all be down and out, desiring the year to come to an early end. Oh, life, please be kind. Anyway, I decided to suppress all of my pessimistic thoughts since I didn't want to undo the hard work my family had put into ringing in the new year. I decided to help my aunt with the preparations after getting up. 

     In what seemed like just a second ago, I was daydreaming about how I would be and what I would be doing at the age of fifteen. I've come to realize that being fifteen is not at all what I had imagined it to be when I was younger. The thought of how quickly time passes is debilitating. It's like time is making me older and older (lol I'm looking forward to being a sixteen later this year), but nothing much is actually happening. Expectations. That explains why I'm so anxious about the new year; I always expect something that I won't be able to accomplish later in the year and that would only make me feel worse. I become more aware of how unnecessarily negative my thoughts actually are as I sit here and finish my preparations. But at least I now know what my goal is for this year. I'm not going to expect anything, but I'll still keep going. When that happens, I might be able to help myself a little bit since what will happen will happen and I'll simply have to work through it. 

     Winnie the Pooh tells us, "We didn't realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun." To keep from having too many regrets, we can simply live each moment as it comes, doing what we can and have to do in those moments. It took me a long time to finally understand that time is genuinely passing, and that the least I can do to keep the time I have left is to be present and engage with it. Life will be life and give us whatever we need. We can't avoid what will surely happen, but we can keep moving forward and valiantly face whatever it is that must be fought. 

     There won't be a "new year, new me", there will just be myself and another year. Whatever happens, I'll just try my best to turn them into actions. We don't need to worry about it so much. The only thing left for us to do is to use what little strength we still have to push through it and improve things for ourselves. Again, life will be life and I hope for this year and all the years to come, we all get to achieve the outcomes we desire. But, at least I have my friends and family by my side—they are the ones who inspired me to fight for this life and be brave. And I want to be the reason why someone believes in the goodness and in the heart of other human beings.

     If there is one thing I know, it is that life goes on. People change, and love transforms, and our heart break and grow within us. You are here to make the best of it. To discover things that move you deeply. To feel things you have never felt before. You are here to live a life you're proud of, to find all that exists in this world that was made for you. This year, I hope I have the strength to become the person I truly want to be. And if there is one thing I know, it is that even through all of its confusion, even through the messiness of our existence, life continues. We push on. And here's a reminder that keep walking until you reach the finish line because every day is a new day and if you don't go forward, you'll never be able to discover happiness.